Friday, December 20, 2013

Soon, Men may really be from Mars

Nevada Jack Reporting

Recent reports on a Dutch company with over 200,000 applicants to be the first humans to settle (and die) on Mars caught my attention.  According to reports, the first humans could arrive on the red planet in 2025, but it may be later, as the same report admitted they are about five years behind.  Funding for the project is a secretive, but it appears the company expects to raise most of the needed funds on the ultimate survivor show.  After all, what does some remote South Sea island have over Mars beyond water and air, bananas and coconuts?  I’m sure a small amount of the money will come from the personal accounts of those flying off to Mars, for as soon as they leave the atmosphere, their folding money, stock portfolios and ATM cards will be useless. 

Sage has been running around the country like a chicken without a head and ignoring his blog.  With time on my hands, I decided it was time to do some investigative reporting and to figure out just what kind of person would sign up for a one-way trip to the fourth planet.  After some digging and fancy statistical work, this is what I learned
  •         50% Applicants unknowingly signed up by disgruntled spouses or significant others
  •          10% Signed up to get away from a spouse or significant other
  •          5% Dopey Dutch citizens who figure this is the ultimate high
  •          5% Dutch citizens who thought Mars was an abbreviation for Martinique, a nice moist island not far from the equator
  •          20%  Women who want to go to the planet from where men supposedly originate
  •          4%  Men who think it’s a chance to go home
  •          3% Dutch citizens who figure global warming leaves them with no other option
  •          2% Floridians who feel the same way
  •          1% People who thought they were entering a contest for a life-time supply of Mars candy bars.

This applicant pool doesn't exactly rise to the brainpower found in traditional groupings of Astronauts and Cosmonauts, which is why I suggest these modern day pioneers be called Martian-nuts.   The success of such a mission is highly questionable, but those on the earth will be rewarded with a richer gene pool.   Maybe Mars Candy can get in on the profits and start a new line of candy bars.

Check out the latest photo that Sage sent from his cell phone.  The dude is stuck on a prop-plane.  I hope he remembered his ear plugs…  
Like Sage, I can't always get the picture turned right on Blogger
Just turn your computer screen 90 degrees to the left


  1. Very amusing, NJ! "Maybe Mars Candy can get in on the profits and start a new line of candy bars." I suspect it would contain a lot of nuts.

  2. hey you are high up there...and flying...straight up? smiles...
    mars is interesting, but considering they have yet to figure out a return trip...
    err...the spouses may be in luck...ha

  3. Might have been a time when I would have gone to Mars. Too much to lose now.

  4. Hey you didn't by any chance see my name on that list did you? I never know if the old lady is kidding or not.

  5. Perhaps if the Venus expedition were further along, fewer men would be signing up (or being volunteered) for Mars.

    Clever piece. It was indeed an intriguing story to hear how many people were willing to sign up for a one-way trip to oblivion.

  6. Hola, que tengas un lindo fin de semana navideño, un placer descubrir tu bello blog, feliz Sábado, te invito de manera cordial a que visites el Blog de Boris Estebitan y leas un poema mío titulado “El guerrero Pegaso”, espero que te agrade, puse mucho de mí para escribirlo, saludos cordiales y un abrazo enorme.

  7. I agree - the applicant gene pool doesn't look to good, which means there's not going to be much of a future for mankind on Mars!

  8. Men are from Mars? not much to look forward if we moved there, then.

  9. I have no possible hope of seeing everything I want to see on this planet before I die so I don't think I would want to add another planet into the mix anytime soon.

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. 4% Men who think it’s a chance to go home

    Nice post, NJ. That one made me chuckle the most.